The Value of Family Dinner

I think that every parent hopes that they can do a better job bringing up their children than the misguided fools that preceded them. I was quite certain that my parenting skills would be admirable. I read the books. I studied Sociology in high school. I watched Oprah AND Dr. Phil. There was nothing that I was not prepared to deal with. Then we actually had kids. And it really opened my eyes. The problem with kids is that they are people, too. Sure, they are smaller than us (for the first 14 years or so) but they actually have brains and opinions and feelings. Our goal is to turn the little darlings into valued members of society...and that can be a challenge.

In our home, we believe there is value in having dinner together. This provides a wonderful forum where five different people can share the details of the day in twenty minutes or less. We try to encourage conversation. Brad and I ask lots of questions and hope the girls will participate. Unfortunately this is not the way dinner goes down on Lindenwood Terrace.

Colleen is always willing to talk although she really doesn't have a lot of life-changing information to contribute. She is unable to sit still. She has fallen out of her chair on occasion. She spills a lot of food. She is nine...I don't really expect more than this. But I do hope she will learn the value of good manners some day. Right now, she still interrupts most of our conversations. However, being the youngest,  I know she is trying her best to be heard. I have been told by her friends' parents that she is a doll when she visits. She says 'Please' and 'Thank-you' and cleans up after herself.  I am a little upset that I get Pigpen and they get mini Miss Manners ... but at least I know she is learning there is value in politeness.

Rachel does not talk during dinner. She eats quietly and avoids eye contact. She restrains herself from kicking Colleen which I appreciate. She is vegetarian. This makes my life a little more stressful. Every meal that I cook needs to be accommodating to her nutritional needs. I don't mind. I just wish I knew why she has altered her eating habits. Her friends are not vegetarian and she is not an animal rights activist. It is a mystery to me. But Rachel is a bit mysterious and I like that. She never complains about the food that is put in front of her. Although she may not say anything, I always feel Rachel knows the value in gratitude. She rarely looses anything and takes great care with all that we give her. Gratitude is important in an over-indulged world.

Emily is the child who contributes the most to dinner conversation. She is almost an adult.  She talks about school, work, friends, and running. She shares the ins and outs of the day with us...although I think she edits most everything to convince us she's the perfect angel that was sent from heaven to us on a cloud. And she can convince us to believe a lot of crazy things...some of the time. But we aren't easily fooled. We were sixteen not that long ago. I have often caught Emily in a lie. She puts up a good front...but eventually the truth will come out. Honesty is a value that I hope will prevail someday. I will keep my fingers crossed.

As parents, the family meal is a lesson in patience. We patiently wait for children to smile at us and respect each others feelings. We try to get through the meal without telling Colleen to be quiet. We listen to Emily say the word 'like' too many times. ("And then we like went to the mall and like we saw this guy who like totally followed us around and like....") We wait for Rachel to look up ... and not give Colleen a look of disdain. We try our best to make it work. Sometimes it takes two beer for Brad and a glass and a half of wine for me, but we get through the meal.

Politeness. Gratitude. Honesty. Patience. Four little words that mean a lot.