Mission Possible

June 24th...summer is here (despite the rain and clouds) and I am not ready. Emily is done school and Rachel needs to make an appearance for her grade 9 graduation ceremony on Wednesday. Her prom is now a thing of the past and she seemed to have a great time with her giggly friends.  Soccer is in full swing for Colleen 3+ nights a week. Brad and I have this week off to make sure the girls get to all their year-end events - maybe we'll even get a chance to see a movie or have a date night...sigh*.

Summer is stresssful...it is no vacation for me. Many of my female friends can empathize with me...it is shorts and sleeveless shirt season. I dread this. And bathing suits...I can't go there. I love autumn...the season of sweaters and jeans. Covering up gives me great comfort...as do the turkey and mashed potatoes. And apple crisp and pumpkin pie with whipped cream...well, you can see how I got to where I am. So I am on my zillionth weight loss mission. If I stay on this plan, I will be ready to slip into my bathing suit by October. This should make for an interesting Thanksgiving dinner.

For as long as I can remember, I have been less than accepting of my shape. It has had its ups and downs...more ups as far as the scale goes. Everytime I think I have a handle on it, I lose sight of my accomplishments and slide on back to the nachos and potato chips. Carbohydrates are my drug of choice and I'm the willing addict. There are worse things to be addicted to, right? I don't use drugs and limit my liquor consumption to wine. (Was 3 glasses with supper too much?) I have friends who are shopping addicts...shoes and purses are their passion. But I crave the carbs...

Brad actually initiated this lifestyle change. He ran the Bluenose Half-Marathon a few weeks ago and realized how tough those extra pounds were to carry for 21 kilometers. I had a hard time just running up and down the streets of Halifax with a 20 pound backpack and Colleen in tow to cheer Emily and him onward and upward to their finish line. My calves and hamstrings were aching for 2 days...how in the hell did I get to this level of unhealthy????? I mean, I was buying large shirts at the clothing boutiques...but they make everything small these days, right? And the size 12 pants were stretching beyond their maximum capacity....but I ignored the warning signs.....

1) People no longer tell you how great you look. They carefully say things like "That's a nice color on you." or "Is that a new shirt? It fits you well." How I translate these comments - "The color matches the redness in your out of breath face." and "Wow... you got something that fits!"
2) You realize the contestants on "The Biggest Loser" already weigh less than you by the 6th week of the show....and they still have 20 weeks to go!
3) You step on the scale and you weigh the same as you did when you were 9 months pregnant. Ouch!

I could continue, but you get the idea.

This eating plan (notice I will not refer to it as a diet as this leads to a negative psychological perception that one is somehow deprived) is going well. This is partly due to the encouragement by coworkers who are also on a self improvement mission. The office manager is already down 2 dress sizes and is my inspiration. We are very similar and we often spend quality time together in her office chatting about our kids and husbands and fear of shorts. She weighs herself once a week at the office....brave lady. I told her that this is not her real weight. Everyone knows that you can subtract at least five pounds from this number. Why? My rules for weighing yourself start the night before. Here are the steps:

1) Do not eat after 6pm the day before you weigh yourself. Your body needs to have all food metabolized for at least 12 hours.
2) Have at least 3 cups of green tea the day before...this helps to detox the body of all unwanted crap. If you really want to eliminate, have dandelion root tea. It tastes disgusting but works like a charm.
3) Do at least 1 hour of cardio activity the night before. This helps burn off more calories, gets rid of water weight and keeps you busy so that you won't think about how much you want to eat the doritos in the cupboard.
4) Only step on the scale after you have gone to the washroom. If you can only do a number one, then avoid the scale at all costs. You need to do a number two...that is good for at least a pound.
5) Step on the scale naked. If you need to shave your legs, do this before you weigh yourself. And if you need a haircut, get one the day before. If you wear glasses, take them off and ask someone you trust to read the number for you.
6) Sometimes when you are nervous, you forget to breathe. You hold your breath and all that air in your lungs could increase your number on the scale. So remember to exhale....I do this in the form of a depressed sigh.
7) Weigh yourself in kilograms. This number is much smaller and makes you feel so much better.

The above steps are essential to achieve the best number on your scale. I don't weigh myself too often because it is difficult to have all these perfect conditions met. So sometimes I get crazy and step on the scale and just subtract the 5 pounds. I then convert the number into my BMI...this is the lowest number possible that charts your weight. I won't disclose my weight or how much I have lost in the last 5 weeks, but my BMI number has gone down 2.8 points.....I am only 2.9 points away from being a normal, healthy weight. This is a good thing.

So if you see me over the summer months, try not to be too stunned by my transformation...I am sure you will be amazed at my new-found-old-me. Be kind and don't offer me the cheesecake...just tell me "Wow! You look great!". ...because isn't that something we all like to hear?